Archive | May, 2009

Film: Upcoming Summer Movies…

29 May

Coming to your screens in July 2009




Political Thriller in which Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe is forced to withstand a onslaught of bile and savagery when his expense claims are leaked to a bestselling national newspaper . Sir Cyril Watkins (Radcliffe), a 65 year old Conservative MP fights party and public  alike when  it is uncovered that he used tax payer’s money for a steamy night of passion with several high class call girls. A stern refusal to apologise or resign leaves Watkins clinging to his seat for survival in this action packed topical heart racer.   



Will Ferrell stars as hapless shouty character Wilbur in this side-splitting comedy of epic proportions. Wilbur, a 45 year old paddling pool salesman is dismayed when he discovers that his elderly widowed mother is to marry again – to self proclaimed leader of Aryans Adolf Hitler! With a race hating mass murderer as a step father, Wilbur finds out that family can provide one ‘heil’ of a ride! 


Standard Fantasy Adventure for the Children

10 year old American schoolgirl Destiny is transported to a magical universe of Clowns and Pies  for absolutely no reason. Here she helps  a host of colourful characters do mundane cleaning based tasks  for no reward . Upon returning home, Destiny tells no one of her tale. Delightful CGI based adventure starring Sean Penn.


Rest in Pain

Chocolaty mob movie starring the Jonas Brothers as vicious chocolate dealers hell-bent on revenge. When a hit on eldest Lorenzo brother Chino (Joe Jonas) goes awry, the bulletproof coco shifters search for the culprit with a man hunt rich with murder and confectionery. The Disney Trio each give show stopping performances as the short changed Lorenzo’s who don’t know the meaning of mercy. Not for the faint hearted.

Fun fact: ‘Chocolate’ was changed from ‘Drugs’ after legal pressure from the Disney Corporation

 Zoo's taming who

‘Zoo’s taming who?

He’s a womanizing  Zoo keeper, she’s the lioness sent to tame him! Matthew McConaughey smirks with the queen of beasts in this groundbreaking romantic comedy of wild proportions. Party animal Matthew (Matthew McConaughey) truly meets his match when he accosts African Lioness Esmerelda whilst on safari. Upon meeting again in his Los Angeles Zoo six months later, womanizing  Matthew and the Lion try to declare their love to his sceptical buddies with hilarious consequences.


Newcastle Appoint Barton as Manager

6 May
Newcastle Manager Joey Barton

Newcastle Manager Joey Barton

In a sensational move that has rocked the football world, Newcastle United have appointed suspended midfielder Joey Barton as the man to save them from relegation.

 Newcastle currently sit third from bottom in the Premier League with only three matches left to save their season. Fan favourite Barton agreed to take the reigns of the ailing club late last night after talks with club owner Mike Ashley and Poet Laureate Carol Ann Duffy.

 Short term manger Alan Shearer has understood to have left the club by mutual consent, with his reputation as a North East messiah left in tatters. The club have just taken 2 points since Shearer’s arrival; the BBC pundit’s bust up with Barton following the latter’s noble red card against Liverpool believed to be the last straw. 

 Barton, 26, affectionately known to the Newcastle fans as ‘Joey Barton’ has already proven to be a popular choice with the Geordie faithful, with the violent Liverpudlian greeted with jubilant crowds as he emerged from the stadium late last night. The fans were then treated to a four hour concert from Royal Correspondent Nicholas Witchell in celebration of the appointment, ending in prolonged chants of “Welcome Home Joey” led by the musical journalist.

Royal Correspondent Nicholas Witchell

Royal Correspondent Nicholas Witchell

 Barton’s first game in charge will be against local rivals Middlesbrough this weekend – a game labelled as a must win if Newcastle are to stand any chance of Premier League survival. Barton is under no illusion over the difficulty of his task

 “This is without doubt the toughest challenge of my distinguished career, and the odds are very much against us. However, the opportunity to repay the love that the fans and Nicholas Witchell have given to me is one I couldn’t turn down” he told reporters at a brief press conference

 Asked whether he believes the club can realistically avoid relegation, Barton stood up and proclaimed “I must” to no applause.

 The city of Newcastle continued to celebrate throughout the night, with cries of “Messiah” heard from all over Tyneside. Only following his spectacular entrance with results will prove if Joey Barton can live up to this often used moniker.